What Parents Need to Know About Explaining Death and Grief to a Child
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Health Tip of the WeekDeath is a part of the circle of life. In recognition of Children’s Grief Awareness Day on Thursday, Nov. 17, we offer tips to help parents learn how to better recognize and help their children grieve if someone they know has died.
Children as young as infants and toddlers can sense when something around them has changed. In their own way, they grieve. Explaining death to children is not an easy task, especially when the death was of a family member or close friend.
With the best of intentions, adults often avoid talking about death around children as a way to protect them. In the long term, avoidance can create confusion, fear and sometimes even distrust.
If you are concerned about talking about death with your child, you are not alone. By talking to your child, you can learn what they do and do not understand about death and help them with any fears or worries they have by providing information, as well as comfort and reassurance.
When explaining death or grief, it’s important to consider your child’s capacity to understand the concepts. Generally, here’s what you can expect and what to do for different age groups:
When preparing for these conversations, consider what exposure a young person has already had with funerals or memorial services.
Anticipate questions like, why do we have services? What will the body look like? Explain the purpose of the service and any religious significance. If the service is a celebration of someone’s life, explain that as well.
In closing your conversation, offer the child the choice to participate or not. If the death was a person close to the child, perhaps allow them to help with planning the service, such as picking out photographs for a collage board or video stream.
In addition to the death of a loved one, children will also grieve when they have experienced loss in other ways, including divorce, moving away from their friends, starting a new school or the death of a pet.
Remember: there is no timetable on grief. Parents may want to notify their child’s pediatrician, daycare or school about a death so others who care about their child can also be on the lookout for any regression or strong signs of grief that are not being addressed.
Kelly Goldin, BS, CCLS, CTRS, is a bereavement coordinator, and Elizabeth Spellman, MSW, LCSW, is a bereavement and palliative care social worker, both with the Justin Michael Ingerman Center for Palliative Care and the Bereavement Program at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Contributed by: Kelly Goldin, BS, CCLS, CTRS, Elizabeth Spellman, MSW, LCSW
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