Sometimes you may think that all you want is to get pregnant again, while at other times you may feel that you could not possibly survive another pregnancy. This kind of uncertainty, combined with intense feelings of grief, and perhaps guilt about your loss, is normal. You are not alone.
Some couples decide to try again as soon as they are medically cleared, some wait years, while others never try again. The best way to decide what is right for you is to consider your physical and emotional readiness, and then listen to your heart about whether you are ready to move ahead.
Some women become focused on the idea of getting pregnant again shortly after their loss. During this period, you may fear that you will never be able to have another baby or that something will go wrong again. This decision is intensely personal.
If you are still struggling in your grief (crying a lot, with disrupted patterns of eating and sleeping, and frequent mood swings), it is probably not yet time to become pregnant again, especially since the hormonal changes of pregnancy could deepen your sadness. If you get pregnant soon after your loss, the birth of your next child may coincide with the anniversary of your loss. While some women do not consider this a problem, others find this potentially upsetting. Some women feel that they do not want to consider getting pregnant again until after the due date of their previous pregnancy.
Talk with your healthcare team about risks for future pregnancies. If you opted for an autopsy or any additional genetic testing, it is recommended that you wait until you have the completed test results back before trying again. These results may give you the most complete information about recurrence risk and can provide helpful pregnancy management information for yourself and your care team (see "Genetic Testing and Autopsy" resource page).
You should not expect to be completely over your loss before you consider another pregnancy. As you mourn the loss of your child and begin preparing for another, it is normal to have complex and often conflicting feelings.
Some couples find it difficult to be physically intimate after a loss. The best way to resolve these differences is to talk openly and honestly with each other about your thoughts and feelings. More importantly, listen to what your partner has to say. Some couples find it helpful to seek out professional support from a therapist (see “How to Seek Out Mental Health Treatment” resource page) or clergy, or to identify a support group for families who have experienced pregnancy loss in order to work through the strain within the relationship that a loss can sometimes cause.